The Top 10 Examples of Paradox and How to Resolve Them

Originally Submitted on 7/18/97.

A paradox is an inconsistency, as when two facts appear to conflict or when things don't work out the way they should. Resolving life's paradoxes can be frustrating at best. Here are ten examples of paradox and some thoughts on their resolution.

1. Rewards are not always proportionate to effort.

We've all heard of someone who's won the lottery, hit it big at the track or simply stumbled into a huge windfall, all without effort. If you're working fifty hours a week and barely getting along, it's normal to conclude that life isn't fair. You're right, it isn't! Let's consider for a moment, however, the premises on which the "rewards equals effort" equation is based. Isn't the premise one of ego, what I do to make it happen? Is it possible that there is a different view, a higher way--a principle, if you will that lifts one above the level of ego, chance, and randomness?

2. Bad things happen to good people.

Without question. Every catastrophe, terrorist bombing, and vicious crime reminds us that innocent people suffer and die daily. In a society where good and right are supposed to prevail, these constant reminders become very hard to take. Is there a rationalization that makes it all right? Frankly, I find the religionists' assertion that every move is pre-ordained to be faulty at best. I find a different approach more useful, namely that in "this" world, this reality, randomness and order co-exist side-by-side. So, the real question is not whether random and destructive events can occur but, "what can I do to exempt myself and my loved ones from their effects?". You may find my answer, a tentative one, less than satisfying, but it is this: Randomness is an element of this (material) reality and world. As long as we are totally absorbed in this reality, we will never escape its vicious grasp. Consider, however, the possibility of a higher realm, a spiritual law of exemption. Such a law is hinted at in the Bible in the 91st Psalm. A careful reading of this Psalm yields several insights regarding the nature of divine protection.

3. You achieve your goal only to find out that it's not what you wanted!

All too much of the goal-setting efforts so prevalent today are based on ego, shoulds and oughts. We've been so inculturated with the mantra , "if' it's going to be, it's up to me", that there's little room for listening to our own intuition, identifying with the deeper "feelings" of what is right, and proceeding gently, slowly and humbly. My sense is that the only worthwhile goals are those that proceed from a deep inner sense of the possibilities in my life, a feeling for what can be rather than what must be. Working in this way, I may not know my destination until I arrive, but I'm happier when I get there.

4. Superior force triumphs over right.

You don't have to travel to the Middle East and visit Saddam Hussein to witness this paradox at work. There are plenty of examples right here at home. Is there an answer to this excruciating dilemma? Perhaps. Again, it pertains to the longer or larger view. It goes something like this: the wrong way often works better in the short run. It's only when the smoke clears, sometimes months or years later, that you can begin to observe that a subtle balance exists and prevails. Unfortunately, our purview is usually most closely related to our individual life expectancy. We assume that everything stops and the scales are balanced at the moment of death. Well, what if death is really an insignificant event in the larger scale of things?

5. Nice guys don't win ball games.

This is the short form of the argument for unbridled competition. Another version of it is, "do whatever it takes to win." There IS an alternative view. It's that beating the other person is fundamentally a win/lose approach in which one person wins and the other loses and, there's no guarantee that the winner will always be you! Even more important, there's the remote possibility that the excessive competitive instinct effectively deprives one from larger victories.

6. Where have all the heroes gone?

One of the somewhat dubious benefits of longevity is that we live long enough to discover hat our heroes have feet of clay. All too often, the authority figures of our youth let us down as we mature. The fact is, however, hero and coward alike, we're all practicing, learning. The tendency is strong to idolize greatness and to judge harshly when the "great ones" fall from the pinnacle on which we have placed them. the fact is that much heroism is based on limited perspectives with respect to what true greatness really is. True greatness consists not of heroic deeds, but of a heroic life.

7. Even your best friends let you down.

burp, fart, laugh continuosly, talk to people who aren't there.

8. I've made amends, turned the corner, so whyis this happening to me?

Let's say you were a real jerk five years ago, but since then you've cleaned up your act, righted your wrongs, and still bad luck follows you wherever you go. Seems like just another example of the adage that life isn't fair. I've been there--much further back than five years--and I've mulled over it for quite a while. What I finally came up with is this: when I've screwed up, abused others or taken more than my share of space and time, the Universe is in no hurry to let me off the hook, BECAUSE, the whole point of it all is that I learn the lesson fully. If the relief is too easy or too quick in coming, there's a good possibility that I may retreat to my old ways. And that's not what learning is all about!

9. That which we believe most fervently often turns out to be wrong.

It's hard to realize how much of our lives is based on assumption, belief and even rejudice. Furthermore, the problem is that we become wedded to these concepts because, in one sense, they work for us. Think, for example, of the very bright child who fails on purpose in order to get the attention of a disinterested parent. In this case, failure works. So do many of our beliefs that ultimately turn out to be without merit. The crux of the problem, therefore, lies not in the beliefs themselves, but in our getting stuck to them. The price of this is a often a sacrifice of objectivity. If your beliefs fail you, be glad! You're being gently prodded to let go of that which is untrue or unworkable.

10. The more fit we become, the closer we get to death!

This isn't entirely true. A case can be made for the argument that fitness lengthens our years and our productivity. In the last analysis, we can delay but not prevent the ultimate event. Here too, there's another view, one that runs contrary to many western notions of aging, one that only works if it is fully embraced. It is this: This life is an infinitesimal part of a process, not of birth to death, but of ascendence from a material concept of reality to one that it totally spiritual. If you can fully grasp this notion, then death truly becomes an incidental event, a small bump in a very long road.

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