The Top 10 Steps to Stop Defending Against the Problem and Start Solving It
Category: Emotional Healing, Recovery, Coping, 12-Step (BE64)Originally Submitted on 1/2/00.
Many times, rather than accepting a problem, we spend more energy fighting it than would be needed to solve it. How do we avoid accepting a problem? Among the most popular techniques are to avoid, deny, minimize, blame, and argue. All of them waste energy, and delay the solution. Alternative possibilities:
1. Catch yourself in whatever avoidance or defensive technique you tend to use.
2. Take a deep breath, laugh at yourself a little.
Consider what you'd say to a good friend who was behaving that way.
3. Accept the problem.
It's here. Arguing, wishing it would go away, will not solve it.
4. Gather the facts. What exactly is happening?
5. Survey the severity of the situation.
How bad is it? What will be the consequences if it is not stopped, or solved?
6. Double-check to be sure you are not over-reacting.
Use the information gathered in the last two steps to be sure that your response will not be a mountain-climbing response to a molehill issue.
7. If possible, acquire the necessary tools or skills to deal with it.
For spilled milk, the tool is probably a paper towel or a cleaning rag. For a relationship, the first tool and most important tool is honesty, with oneself and with the other.
8. Assess carefully, putting your ego aside, whether you can fix this yourself.
There are some things for which you need expert help, whether it be from a carpenter, a plumber, or a counselor.
9. Do what you need to do to fix it, with or without help.
10. Use what you've learned to set up a mechanism to prevent repetition of the problem.
About the Submitter
This piece was originally submitted by Diana Robinson, Ph.D., Personal Development Coach, who can be reached at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com, or visited on the web. Diana Robinson wants you to know: My coaching focuses on personal growth, which inevitably results in greater happiness and fulfillment, however YOU choose to define these words. To learn more, and/or to subscribe to either/both of my two e-mail free newsletters, please visit my web site. I also offer you the gift of a half-hour of free coaching by phone, with no obligation.
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