The Top 10 Steps to Open Up Your Social Circle.

Originally Submitted on 6/21/2000.

Many of us get so busy that we look around one day and realize that we have not been in touch with some of our best friends for days, weeks, or months. People may drift apart quite unintentionally because of competing schedules, or new interests and friendship circles. We may be so absorbed in our own thoughts that we do not broadcast an interest in social contact with others. For folks who find themselves isolated or without much of a social circle, here are some suggestions:

1. Check old phone lists, holiday lists, address books.

Many of the people with whom you are no longer in contact have probably lost touch because of 'drift' by both of you, not by intention. It is not too late. Many of them will be delighted to hear from you. Drop them a note, card, or e-mail to briefly update on your news and, more importantly, ask them about theirs. (A note is preferable to a phone call, because if you catch them at a bad time you may sense hesitation and take it personally, even though it is actually about a situation in their lives.) Even if they do not respond immediately, add them to your list for a card and or note next holiday season. Sagging fences can take time to mend.

2. Take time, make time, for friends.

Don't wait for them to initiate a lunch, coffee, or movie. You can be the mover and shaker in your circle, even if you do not feel like one. Even if you are busy, you do take time to eat lunch... don't you? Why do it alone?

3. Listen to people, and respond to what they say, not just what you think.

Follow their thoughts, consider what they want from you right now, not just what you think they should want. Let them know that they are important to you.

4. Learn to accept that just being with someone is enough.

You can enjoy their company and whatever activity, if any, you are participating in without needing to have an agenda for the future. Now is enough.

5. Schedule time for you.

Discover what you want in your life, and go for it. If you are content with yourself, you will become far more attractive to others than if you see yourself as insufficient except when accompanied by others.

6. Be willing to check out new activities.

Just because you've never done something before doesn't mean you wouldn't enjoy it. (This, of course, needs to be applied in combination with common sense and an awareness of your personal values.)

7. Join more groups that are of interest to you, not just for business contacts.

You are more likely to meet people who have something in common with you if you are in places, and involved in activities, that truly interest you. (However, remember that business contacts can also become friends.)

8. Don't be afraid to go places alone.

Although this should be applied with common sense, many people hesitate to even go to a restaurant or a movie by themselves. While it may be fun to share the experience, this does not mean that you cannot enjoy the food, or the movie, by yourself. Not only does this give you more conversation possibilities when you are in company, but... chance encounters can happen.

9. Slow down and be interested when people talk to you, even in casual encounters.

Make eye contact, smile, respond with a question that shows interest and a desire to know more, rather than with a follow-up or 'I can top that' response that brings the focus back to you. Your sincere interest may well lead to your discovering that you have more in common than you expected.

10. Always follow up.

When you meet people, always follow up (preferably within 24 hours) with a phone call, note, or e-mail message that acknowledges them. If possible, include a comment related to something they said or that is in some other way personal.

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