The Top 10 Ways that People Invade Boundaries
Category: Personal Foundation (BJ85)Originally Submitted on 6/21/2001.
Some boundary invasion is very clear. Other forms are subtle enough that we may not recognize them for what they are, and wonder why we feel irritated when they occur, or if we have the right to feel irritated. All of the behaviors below involve boundary invasion if they happen habitually. Incidentally, you may want to use this list to check on yourself, too. Many boundary invaders are quite unaware of what they are doing.
1. Requests for time/assistance that ignore refusals, or that, once acquiesced to, go on to require far more time or effort than originally agreed to.
2. Borrowing items and not returning them, not returning them on time, or returning them damaged or unusable.
3. Using your belongings or personal property as a matter of course without getting your approval first.
4. Holding you hostage by continuing a conversation without regard for the fact that you have said you must leave or are busy, or are clearly trying to put an end to the interaction.
5. Offering your help, or making promises on your behalf, to someone else without first consulting you.
6. Crowding you physically.
(This may be a cultural issue. Different cultures vary tremendously in the amount of personal space between two people that is socially acceptable.)
7. Invading your space, exploring your property, going through your purse or into closed doors and cupboards uninvited.
8. Asking for personal information when you've made it clear you don't want to give it.
9. Asking you to go against your values or better judgment and persisting when you refuse.
10. Keeping you waiting, not keeping appointments, not respecting your time.
About the Submitter
This piece was originally submitted by Diana Robinson, Ph.D., Strategy Coach, who can be reached at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com, or visited on the web. Diana Robinson wants you to know: If you want to remove the obstacles that hold you back from reaching your goals and dreams, discover what coaching can do for you. For a free half-hour coaching call and/or to request free e-zines, visit me at www.ChoiceCoach.com.
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