The Top 10 Things to say Pleasantly when People attempt to Invade your Boundaries
Category: Symptoms/Signs of Problems, Conditions, Addictions, Behavior (BG1)Originally Submitted on 10/27/97.
Many people have difficulty saying no, and boundary invaders take full advantage of this difficulty. If a request or a question makes you feel uncomfortable, it is probably an attempt to invade your boundaries, even if the other person is not fully aware that this is what s/he is doing. If a straight-out *NO* is too difficult for you, try some of the following alternatives. (But also practice saying NO. It strengthens your boundaries.)
1. I'm sorry but I don't feel right about doing that.
2. If that's what you want, you're asking the wrong person.
3. I realize many people feel fine about things like that, and it's not for me to judge them, but it just wouldn't work for me.
4. What I did in the past is past. Now is now, and it's not right for me any more so please don't ask, because I won't.
5. This is not an okay time. I'll let you know if I can spend time on it later.
6. If you had let me know earlier we could have talked about, but it's just not possible for me now.
7. I can see something needs doing, but it should be done by the person who caused the problem in the first place, not by me.
8. It would be far more appropriate for you to do that yourself.
9. Why would you want to know that kind of information about me?
10. How would you feel if someone said something like that to your (wife, husband, daughter, son, etc)?
About the Submitter
This piece was originally submitted by Diana Robinson, PhD., CASAC, Personal Life Coach, Writer, Editor, who can be reached at Diana@choicecoach.com, or visited on the web. Diana Robinson wants you to know: As a Professional Life Coach I welcome the chance to work with people seeking to reconnect with their own strengths and their own authenticity, people who are seeking balance in their lives, and to whom inner, as well as outer, success is important. I offer a half-hour complimentary coaching call and a free twice-monthly e-mail newsletter. For more information see my web site.
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